The date is not only about getting to know the other person but also about getting to know yourself . How much of yourself are you willing to put out there to be viewed and critiqued? As time has gone on I find myself having different thoughts and ideas on the topic. I never have been willing to let other people into my life. That sad experience that turns someone off to be open and engaging never occurred to me. I don’t have a reason to fear relationships.
My family has always been great examples of what marriage and love should look like. I have made this image of marriage in my head that cant be filled. The fear is that the person I am with won’t fill these expectations and that my whole dream and hope wont be accomplished. I don’t want to go through the pain and struggle of being in a relationship that could lead to no where.
That though is the beauty of dating. It’s a trial and error. The expectations that we place are sometimes not only high but unrealistic or not our own. As a person I have come to see that this is MY life. It’s not my parent’s life. It will not be their marriage that I will live but my own. That is the struggle that I live today.
Before I commit to someone, be casual or serious, I think I need to date myself first. I need to know what it is about myself that I like and what pieces I want to work on. I want to be a person my significant other can lean on and find comfort in. I want to be a person that can stand on their own and be independent. The fear of not being good enough will always be in the back of my mind but it is a fear I need to overcome to be a better person. I need to be confident in myself before I can expect someone else to be confident in me.
“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained”
– Marie Curie